Dreaming bigger and half way there

I've been dreaming big for awhile now and I'm starting to dream bigger. I'm thinking about my dreams and all of our dreams. I'm thinking about how when one of us stretches into who we are, we help others stretch too. How it's a kind of circle that expands and breathes and always has room for more of us in it. The circle has room for all of us; day dreamers, activists, healers, artists, writers. Today I'm feeling like it's actually possible. This life I've thought about as a myth but wanted since I was six years old- the life of a writer, is possible. If it's possible for me it's possible for all of us. As it becomes more possible for me I am determined to help make it possible for all of us. I am shifting and shifting and shifting more. More words on the page, more room in my life, more material in my dreams, more belief in myself, in my community, in you.

It is thanks to you, all this shifting and hopeful, joyous noise in my own head. I'm so amazed by the support and kindness of the people around me. My partner called me today to tell me that a donation came in today that puts me at the 48% of my goal. Yesterday I was getting anxious about being able to raise the funds to meet my payment plan for July. Today I feel hopeful again and it's because of my donors and supporters and every single encouraging word.

A year ago I researched this AWA training and stopped thinking about it.  I just knew I couldn't afford it. This year, thanks to the support of the people in my corner,thanks to my fellow writers in Dive-Deep I have up-ended my thinking about what is possible, about my writing and what I can do with it. For the past several years I wrote a novel once a year for nanowrimo and then let them sit there untouched. Today I have made significant progress on my novel and have several other writing projects at work. This change was caused by a tipping point hit in the company of supportive writers who not only told me I could do it but expected me to do it. To become my best creative self. Thanks to that support I was able to ask for yours and you are giving it. Amazing.

Today, writing is the most important thing I do and everyone who knows me knows it. Today I know that asking for help is okay, that my community enthusiastically supports me and believes that I will be a good writing facilitator. I know that my writing voice is important and appreciated. I call myself a writer, not in hopes that it will be true one day, but because I am. And that calls for big thanks. I imagine a world where everyone, regardless of class or educational level or race or gender or sexual orientation, gets to be their own best, creative self. A world where there is more art, music, and writing, more crafting with wood or metal, more fire breathing, more dancing. Each time people support me, I am hopeful for the rest of us.

So I am sitting with this deep gratitude and terror- because it's scary to be believed in. It's scary to get close to what you want to do, to who you truly are. It's scary to imagine failing, and to imagine success. And you all are holding up a mirror that shows me a writer who writes and a writer who helps other writers write. In turn, I feel that failure is not an option. Big thanks, big terror- they go hand in hand and that's not a bad thing. Some fear keeps me wide awake and present. Fear keeps me going forward. Fear is just more material to write from and to write through. Thank you.