It's the night before the AWA training. I'm full of anxiety/anticipation and gratitude all at once. I'm feeling this stretching feeling again. Making room for all of this gratitude, making room for your help, making room for each and every kind and supportive word.

I learned early to not want things. Not even secretly. It never turned out well. Loving things we had was also dangerous. Like our dogs. For a long time not wanting things worked for me just fine. Once I got out, I worked hard at what jobs I had and if that wasn't enough, I worked more jobs. I never thought about my secret ideas about writing. My yearning was buried underneath working, taking care of my children and trying to heal from old traumas.

But I did write. Sometimes years would go by between the bouts writing, but I did write. I wrote poetry and song lyrics and later, in a good creative writing class, short stories. I still never thought I could be a writer- even though I was. That is what is so fine about this AWA method. A core principle is that everyone has a unique and creative voice, everyone is a writer. From the beginning or from right now. Anyone who has every told anyone a story- is a writer. We all have creative genius.

I finally realized that writing keeps me even. Without the words hitting the page I am not well. Not well in my body or in my mind. It's a dis- ease. It's only when I'm actively writing that the way my brain works makes sense. My hands feel like they belong to the rest of this body. Words make this body belong to me. Sharing those words, sharing writing space is healing and has given me amazing, life long gifts that I share with the other people in my life. Writing makes me sane, un-breaks me- gives myself back to me. A way to get clear no matter how chaotic things are in my life or in my head.

I'm going to pack now and get ready to go tomorrow. I'm going to nebulize soon because my lungs are unhappy which makes me nervous about staying in a place that may have scents or chemicals I am allergic to. But I'm going, no matter what. And I want this- for myself and for what I believe I can share with you. And that wanting, that determination to go no matter what is thanks to each of you who has offered money, time, shared my links and given me encouraging words. Amazing words.

I've never has so much affirmation in my life. So much that I don't know how to hold it exactly, it makes my hands shake. But this is the kind of gift that lasts forever, that makes more room for giving in return and starts a chain reaction that touches- we don't know- we can't know how many people are touched by kindness.

Thank you.
I'll see you on the flip side.